 Here is guest blog numero uno, and I’m so honoured that first up is my good mate Heidi Anderson. Perthling’s and Aussies you’d know Heidi either from the H!t929 breakfast show Heidi, Xavier and Ryan or during her time on Big Brother a few years back.
Heidi’s openness about her lived experience with anxiety, battling body image, using alcohol and recreational drugs as a coping strategy continue to help and inspire people all over the world…..me included. Please enjoy. ‘It’s been about two years since I spoke openly about my anxiety and I wanted to let you all know that I am doing ok. In fact, I am doing wonderfully, and I couldn't be more proud of how far I have come. I get asked all the time how I am coping and how I have helped myself. So, I wanted to take this opportunity to thank you all for your support. Thank you! I also wanted to answer some of the questions people constantly have about my mental health and to give some of you hope that might be struggling right now. I was in a really dark place a couple of years ago and, to be honest, I can't even pinpoint what fully caused my spiral. All I know is it was hell and I wouldn't have gotten through it without the support of you, and my friends and family. I got asked to explain to a girlfriend just how my little brain works as she was still struggling to understand anxiety. I told her it’s like jumping on a merry-go-round and every day, going round and round and round and round … haha ok, you get the picture! The irrational thoughts and fears overtake your brain and YOU wholeheartedly believe the stories you’re telling yourself. No-one can convince you otherwise. They can try, but once you’re in that deep, dark place, it can be very hard to get out of it. I have been very lucky. The support and love I have been shown, not just from the Perth community, but around the globe filled my heart with love, and I now know I am not in this alone. Unfortunately, some people still believe they are. So, if this is YOU, then I hope this blog post will inspire you also. I had been suffering for a very long time but I never really understood what was going on. So, I drowned the anxious feeling EVERY weekend with copious amounts of red wine, ciggies and recreational drugs. Anxiety doesn't just disappear and it will never fully go away, but I have learnt to live with it and I now understand it a whole lot better. I solemnly swear that the best thing I ever did for my anxiety was telling people about it. Sharing and accepting my mental illness has been the best thing I have ever done, and I encourage every one of you to do that if you feel the urge. It might not be for everyone, but just sharing my story helped me out of the darkness. I was inundated with messages of support, love and people sharing their own stories from all around the world. People stopped me on the street to speak to me about their anxiety. I was completely overwhelmed with a number of people that had been suffering alone. Opening up means people now understand me. Sometimes I would come across disconnected, not all there, moody, agitated, aggressive and stressed, and people often wondered what they had done wrong. But they had done nothing wrong! My anxiety had taken over my entire body and I was full of fear. It could and would happen in any situation, especially if I was pushed out of my comfort zone, or if I thought I was losing control. Colleagues, friends and family often saw it and just thought “Oh, that’s Heidi,” and the most exhausting part was in every situation like this, I would spend days, sometimes even weeks, beating myself up for the way I reacted. I couldn't win either way. Today is a different story. Now, everyone knows I am an anxious person and they understand my behaviour, and can empathise where I’m coming from and not take things personally. Since I’ve spoken out, I feel like I am no longer hiding anything. So to be honest, my behaviour has changed naturally anyway. The road to where I am now hasn't been easy, but I wouldn't change a thing. I have learnt so much about myself, and anxiety, and I am super excited to share this with you. I thought about medication at times when my brain just wouldn't shut the hell up, and I looked into it, but I heard about some of the side effects and I couldn't deal with having a shitty sex drive, considering I only see my partner every second week as he works away. So for me it wasn't an option. So instead, I chose to tackle my anxiety through all different avenues. Now, some of these might work for you and some of them may not. I have absolutely nothing against medication, you must do what it right for you! My Mum and my best friend (I know, us anxious folk really do stick together) are both medicated and doing really well. For me, as I said, I wanted to try other means. I see a psychologist by the name of Jan, from Masters Psychology, and she has been an absolute godsend, I couldn't have got this far without her. I have also been trying a therapy called Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing (EMDR) and, without getting too technical (Google it), it has really helped me and my anxiety. It was developed in the 1980s to alleviate the symptoms associated with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Since then, however, it has become a widely used and effective technique for other psychological disorders, including various phobias and addiction, as well as PTSD. Meditation has also been a HUGE help and one that I still need to do more of. I constantly find excuses to avoid sitting in silence, but I am getting there and trying to do it a few times a week because when I do, it works wonders! Practicing yoga at ‘Twisting Peacock Yoga’ - http://twistingpeacockyoga.com.au has encouraged me to check-in with myself, and switch off, to seek that peace my brain struggles so hard to find. I have Doterra - www.mydoterra.com/Australia oils burning in the house and I wear an oil called ‘Balance’ every day. Some people may find this really woo-woo, but I guarantee it has helped me in some crazy way! I read lots of articles and books to educate myself on mental health. I also openly share my story now and speak at events, even though this does cause some anxiety, but I figure I am allowed to have it as I’m speaking about anxiety. So, it’s a guaranteed laugh at the beginning! I've done courses and I've surrounded myself with like-minded individuals, such as Julian Pace from ‘The Happiness Co’ - https://happinessco.org where I am now an ambassador, after completing his 21-day course. Additionally, do yourselves a favour, and look up the ‘Brain and Wellness Spa’ https://brainwellnessspa.com.au in South Perth, which is owned and run by Terri Bowman. This therapy is super relaxing and not confronting at all. It’s a bit hard to explain, so I’ll let her website do the talking. Most recently I‘m 78 days into a 90-day sobriety challenge with Sexy Sobriety - www.sexysobriety.com YES ME!! It has been easy, fighting the temptation and being the only sober one when socialising, but it has been so empowering and rewarding. You see for most of last year, I kept hearing a little voice inside me trying to speak, saying I needed to stop drinking but I kept shutting it out. I have since realised that little inner voice was just looking out for my health. Over the Christmas holidays I had a ball but my health wasn’t right and I have been trying to avoid the inevitable by drinking through the pain. I have experienced severe abdominal pain and sickness and if I’m honest with myself, this has been the case for the last few years whenever I drink booze. I’ve had severe bouts of gastritis and it isn't pretty. For many people, giving up alcohol for 90 days would be a walk in the park but for this boozehound, it was a tough one, as I relied heavily on alcohol for my stress relief. 78 days in and already planning on staying sober when I reach the 90-day mark!!! I can’t promise you that any of this will work for you but, what I can promise you, is that there is hope. We’re in this together and you are not alone.’
Thank you for joining me. Please fell free to contact me, to become a guest blogger or provide feedback via email at: The KiltedRogueRunner@outlook.com https://www.beyondblue.org.au Tel: 1300 22 46 36 https://www.lifeline.org.au/ Tel: 133 11 14 https://www.suicidecallbackservice.org.au Tel: 1300 65 94 67 http://www.sirensofsilence.org.au
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 Please consider the content of my blog before reading it. Some of the topics covered in my blog such as: Suicide, Depression, Anxiety, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder may make youfeel uncomfortable. If you do feel uncomfortable please seek out appropriate professional and personal support.
Imaging the serine trickle of water emerging from the ground, high up in a beautiful mountain, commencing its journey as the source of a fresh water stream. Taking the path of least resistance, growing as it travels, gaining strength and power, carving it’s own destiny, invincible as it climaxes with its marriage with the ocean. This could easily describe my path living through successful careers in the Royal Navy, Cheshire Constabulary and Western Australian Police. For those of you who know me, I hope you would agree with me when I say generally I’m an optimist, bubbly in character, and at times a practical joker with a zest for life. At the time of writing that is, it’s exactly who I am, and for the most part of my life that is who I have been. However, there was a time when the serenity turned into a nightmare of turbulent white-water rapids, and the deafening crescendo of a powerful waterfall, that kept me pinned underwater gasping for breath and drowning in my own senses. This was was a period of my life, ten years ago, when I contemplated, planned and attempted to end my life after enduring six months of bullying at work while suffering from Depression and Anxiety. With the experience of hindsight Depression crept up on me, several issues, which had been and were affecting me, finally came to a head causing me to lose control of my life and all logical thinking. But let’s be clear on one thing, in those darkest depths of despair, I didn’t really want to die, I just wanted the pain to stop and couldn’t see or realise that there was help outside of my own being to help stop that pain. Some of you reading this will have been unfortunate to be diagnosed and live pinned down by the claws of depression I have no doubt you will relate to my lived experience with your own. If you are blessed not to have been touched by mental health issues I hope that it may help you realise that it doesn’t discriminate and can creep up on any of us if we give it the opportunity and should be treated with respect and not a taboo subject. In Australia alone, it’s estimated that at least 45% of the population will experience a mental health condition in their lifetime. In any one year, around 1 million Australian adults will be living with Depression and 2 million live with Anxiety. I’ve shed a few tears while writing this, reflecting about how really ill I was at the time, but in the main for love of my nearest and dearest who held my head above water as I was drowning in vulnerable hopelessness and also I’m shedding tears of gratitude for everything I have in my life. I’ve learned so much about myself over the last ten years. During my own journey of recovery, which now includes living with complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, my family and I also lived through suicide attempts in 2015, by our youngest daughter Holly and have been working closely together to help and support Holly along her journey of recovery. Through these struggles I have truly become stronger as a person. I’ve found a passion for compassion, to strongly advocate for people living with mental health conditions and working on their mental fitness. After all recovery is completely achievable from most mental health conditions. If I can do it, YOU CAN DO IT!! It’s okay not to be okay and it certainly is NOT weak to speak up. If you’re struggling please visit your GP and open up to your loved ones. Finding the right balance of help, that works for you (and this may take some time), whether that ismedication, psychotherapy, psycho-social rehab, self-help books, physical fitness or a combination of all of these. My GP is aware of my mental fitness journey and we review this each time I go to request another prescription of medication. Yes, I take medication to help me; I have no shame in that. For me it’s no different to taking medication for a physical injury or illness. I’m on a medication called Escitalopram it’s a ‘Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitor’ or SSRI, it helps balance the chemicals in my brain and keeps me on an even keel with regards to the Depression and Anxiety. Additionally, I have a wonderful Psychologist (about the 6th I’ve seen over the years), the work we have been doing together over the last 12 months, albeit exhausting and emotional at times, is truly helping me unpack historical baggage and process trauma that I have picked up and been carrying throughout my life. I genuinely look forward to each session. Physical fitness and exercise is a very important part of my recovery. I love the meditative state I get in to when I’m distance running. It is believed that 23 minutes of rigorous exercise can improve a person’s mood for at least 12 hours. I certainly feel much better after exercise, more energy, improved mood and feel physically better. I have amazing Peer Support from my wonderful friends at Sirens of Silence Charity Inc, from my running family in the Rogue Runners Club Australia, from closest friends here in Australia but also life long friends from around the world. Probably most importantly, I talk openly to my loved ones about how I feel, whether I’m having a good or not so good day, without their love and support I wouldn’t be the person I have grown into today. They know what coping strategies work for me and how to keep me motivated to achieve my goals. Finding my voice and sharing my lived experience living with mental health conditions also helps me with my recovery. I gain strength from educating and helping others. I’m passionate about dispelling the myths that have become attached to mental health conditions and I’m focused on continuing to break down the barriers created by stigma. If the untruthful mark of disgrace that stigma places on people isn’t bad enough, but when it becomes dogma within a culture or societies belief system then it causes real barriers and obstructions for people to reach out for the care they really need. Over the next few weeks I’m going to be sharing guest blog posts and highlighting the 7 Principles of Recovery (below) and how we can implement these to help ourselves and others: 1. Hope and Optimism 2. Self-Determination 3. Person Centered 4. Strengths and Interests Based 5. Inclusive of carer’s and social networks 6. Holistic 7. Non-Linear Thank you for joining me. Please fell free to contact me, to become a guest blogger or provide feedback via email at: TheKiltedRogueRunner@outlook.com https://www.beyondblue.org.au Tel: 1300 22 46 36 https://www.lifeline.org.au/ Tel: 133 11 14 https://www.suicidecallbackservice.org.au Tel: 1300 65 94 67 http://www.sirensofsilence.org.au |
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